The Incomparable

96 “Memories Are Forever” (S2E5-6)

We wrap up this season of “Magnum, podcast” with a blockbuster two-hour special that introduces us to Magnum’s ex-wife, yet not wife in the eyes of the Catholic Church or the Vietnamese government, Michelle. For an episode that we didn’t like, we try to find positive things where we can. And we muse about how introducing Michelle in season 2 might have pulled the rug out from under all of Magnum’s future romance ambitions.

Keep those emails coming to magnum@theincomparable.com and we’ll see you next year!

95 “Almost Home” (S3E11)

The ghosts of Pearl Harbor hang over this episode, which doesn’t really have a villain, except for that mobster who’s not really necessary for the plot, and that Admiral who’s just a stickler for the regulations, and… hey, Rick, can you do some research into old crimes? Anyway, Jason gets excited about his new TV show pitch, “Boat Cops,” and we end the episode in a sandwich reverie courtesy of Listener Adam.

94 “No Need To Know” (S1E5)

Just like the proverbial dog who got run over by the pineapple truck, we’ve caught hold of an early “Magnum” episode that contains all the core tropes. Sexy stewardesses? Yup! The Lads chasing Magnum? Check! Rick’s character not entirely locked down? Uh-huh! Also, it’s some light entertainment about the Troubles in Northern Ireland with a surprise twist! Drink your wine. Life goes on.

93 “Mad Buck Gibson” (S2E9)

Just before he was the dad in “A Christmas Story,” Darren McGavin took a trip to Hawaii to play pulp novelist Buck Gibson, a daredevil friend of Robin Masters. Do his misadventures teach us important lessons about how we appreciate our lives? What’s in a Bazooka? And we have several head-canon explanations for an anecdote about Magnum’s dad.

92 “Faith and Begorrah” (S3E23)

They’re always after his Lucky Charms! Higgins’s Northern Irish half-brother arrives in Oahu and it’s all light comedy despite what’s going on back home. Meanwhile, Magnum investigates an unfaithful wife and, wow, does the tone of this episode shift dramatically from moment to moment.

91 “Beauty Knows No Pain” (S1E18)

A guy in a blue sedan. A man with gold teeth. A woman (Marcia Wallace!) has come to Hawaii searching for her missing fiancé. Sounds like the plot to a good ol’ detective show, but forget all that—instead, it’s time to train for the Ironman Triathlon!

90 “A Girl Named Sue” (S8E7)

We know what you’re thinking: Carol Burnett returns for a victory lap as the ramshackle, shambolic final season of “Magnum, p.i.” draws to a close. Also, the opening credits ruin a “Max Headroom” sized surprise!

89 “Little Games” (S5E12)

Computer games! Mind games! Jenny Agutter appears (delighting Jason) in an episode that promises lots of Cesar Romero and doesn’t deliver (angering Phil). Jason explains 40- and 80-character mode in classic computers. There are multiple fake break-ins. Cesar Romero shoots off fireworks. Maybe it’s all a prank by those hang-glider people?

88 “Missing in Action” (S1E9)

Lance LeGault appears in this episode, but not as Buck Greene. We’re devastated. Instead, he’s a spy on the lookout for another spy who’s on the run—and missing in action? Magnum’s client is looking for that second spy, and she’s apparently got ESP? Oh, it’s going to be one of those episodes, isn’t it?

87 “Skin Deep” (S1E6)

This early episode contains a disturbing scene of suggested suicide that should probably not have been anywhere on prime-time TV, let alone during a light action-adventure series! And yet “Skin Deep” has a lot going for it, including Ian McShane being very sweaty and shifty.

86 “Let Me Hear the Music” (S5E18)

Many Weavers (but not Dennis Wheeler or Dennis Miller), some cowboy music, surprising “Star Trek” guest stars, and a plot that goes to some surprising places make this episode a winner.

85 “Jororo Farewell” (S4E11)

In the sequel episode nobody demanded, Magnum must protect the prince of Jororo from a kidnapping, despite the interference of Dr. FBI. In another surprise return, our segments about 1980s baseball and time zones also resurface. Hey hey hey, easy, easy, easy. The end!

84 “Torah Torah Torah” (S5E21)

An old Rabbi friend of Higgins arrives in Hawaii, but his historic Torah has been stolen! Vic McCool and Dick Ling may be involved, as well as the owner of Shelby’s Fine Meats. Magnum’s Tigers hat works as a yarmulke! Honoring the sabbath can be very, very good for your health! And remember, when a light switch turns on, the darkness turns off… or something like that.

83 “Unfinished Business” (S8E8)

We’re back. And what’s this? A car bombing, a travesty of justice, the culmination of our least-favorite “Magnum” storyline… it must be a season eight episode! We’re devastated. At least it’s got Lance LeGault in it, as well as the summary execution of dozens of happy little pears. The pears know what they did.

82 Magnum Trading Cards

Thanks to Listener David, we return for this special episode where we react to the opening of an age-old pack of Magnum, p.i. Trading Cards.

Images should appear in your podcast player as we go, or you can see them in the show notes on the website.

81 “Kapu” (S7E10)

It’s like “Witness,” but on a made-up Hawaiian island! We end this season of “Magnum, podcast” on the forbidden island of Kapu. There’s no phone, no light, no motor car—not a single luxury.

80 “Dead Man’s Channel” (S2E2)

This episode provides a missing archaeologist, a bitter academic dispute, and a goat, inspiring Phil to create a new segment: Is This Anything?

79 “A Little Bit of Luck… A Little Bit of Grief” (S6E20)

In an episode that teaches us that friendships are like sponges, Magnum and TC repeatedly commit crimes and visit jail. Meanwhile, Rick wins the lottery and meets a travel agent doing a survey of the hotels of the southwest. And a guy who drives a melon truck has the best day in the history of melon trucks.

78 “Pleasure Principle” (S8E2)

Can a ghost explode from eating too many ghost pastries? This is a “Freaky Friday” episode that’s… not so freaky. Magnum and Higgins trade places, sort of? Come on shake your body baby do that conga!

77 “Basket Case” (S3E15)

People, if you’re betting against the spread on youth basketball games, it’s a sign that you have a serious gambling problem. Especially if they’re coached by turkeys like Magnum and T.C. Brutal! What are you doing! Coach Wooden would never approve!

76 “Rapture” (S6E11)

Under the sea, Under the sea
Magnum will see a ghost so spookily
Higgins and T.C.
Think Magnum’s strange discovery
Is purely buncombe
(Mom is a drunk-um)
Under the sea!

75 “Flashback” (S3E7)

Magnum dreams he’s in the 1930s and tries to prevent an innocent man from being executed! But Rick, T.C. and Higgins are all there too… sort of. Shocking deaths! Surprising new investigative powers! The fate of Listener Allison’s argument with her husband stands in the balance!

74 “Woman on the Beach” (S2E3)

It’s October, which means it’s spooky season, which means it’s time for an episode where Rick and Magnum may have seen a g-g-g-g-g-host! Also, Kenneth Mars is a bizarre caretaker with a German accent, there’s an old weirdo with a creepy painting, and Rick is really unlucky in love. Plus, listeners are concerned about Magnum’s head injuries and need us to solve their marital disputes. Magnum, podcast is up for the challenge!

73 “Billy Joe Bob” (S2E1)

Listener Blair is back with a new selection to torment Phil, David, and Jason! But will they be tormented, or have they just stumbled on the Platonic ideal of a “Magnum, p.i.” episode? Also, Phil surprises Jason with a new segment!

72 “All Thieves on Deck” (S6E15)

Sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a purloined idol and many, many, many suspects who want to steal it! And it’s all on a cruise ship! In Kauai! Magnum is no Poirot, for better or for worse.

71 “Paniolo” (S6E8)

Ride ‘em, Hawaiian cowboys! Magnum goes to the Big Island to foil a cattle-rustling ring, but things quickly get out of hand.

Visit tinyurl.com/mauimagnum to join us and donate for Maui relief.

70 “Mixed Doubles” (S3E10)

You might love this episode, or it might leave you causing a racket when you say, “What the deuce?” Is it a net win or a net loss? Anyway, when you’re trying to run someone over, drive Volvo.

Visit tinyurl.com/mauimagnum to join us and donate for Maui relief.

69 Season 4 teaser and Maui relief

We’ll be back for season 4 shortly! In this episode we reveal the first episode we’ll cover this season and also encourage you to donate to Maui relief.

Visit tinyurl.com/mauimagnum to join us and donate.

68 “L.A.” (S7E1-2)

We wrap up our season with a festive holiday special about a two-part episode that features multiple surprise murders, a very surprising marriage proposal, and an extremely extended search for Alfonso Ribeiro. Also, David has an exciting holiday-themed quiz, and grinds the show to a halt with some horrible A.I. art. See you next summer!

67 “Ms. Jones” (S5E19)

A clerk from the hall of records needs Magnum’s help to unravel a really stupid and convoluted plot involving her husband (hey, it’s that guy!) and artificial intelligence computer code that is so advanced it should probably never be used by anyone. But the real attraction is the episode’s visit to the U.S. Male adult entertainment show, which is perplexing in every possible way.

66 “Black on White” (S3E6)

Ello, guvna! Ian McShane guest stars as a very, very sweaty racist ex-soldier who is convinced he’s about to be killed by the ghosts of the Mau Mau uprising. It’s an opportunity for thoughtful explorations of the legacy of empire and the damage it did to people on both sides, but this is “Magnum, p.i.” so instead it’s an abortive attempt to recreate “The Odd Couple” with Thomas and Higgins! Also: A series of poor accents, an amazing Pac-Man game, Rick takes one right to the head, and there’s a twist ending that’s anything but.

65 “Ghost Writer” (S2E12)

What’s more dangerous than a box full of DANGER? Two boxes! In a helicopter! This episode features Elisha Cook Jr. as someone other than Ice Pick, a lot of comedy bits, a classic take to the camera, and a plot free of any sense. Corporate espionage, pshaw! Give me some Howard Hughes jokes instead!

64 “The Legacy of Garwood Huddle” (S5E4)

Cliff Clavin is married to Doogie’s mom? Generic products that are legally distinct from Amway? A roast beef and Gefilte fish sandwich? This episode’s got a lot going for it, and a lot that makes no sense. But at its center is guest star Pat Hingle, and that means that most of our new segments this week are game shows. For some reason.

63 “All Roads Lead to Floyd” (S1E13)

Noah Beery guest stars as, well, Floyd. All roads lead to him. He’ll cut Magnum off on the road leading to him, which leads to a costly Ferrari bumper repair because someone didn’t carry any auto insurance. His daughter Cindy is on the road to finding him after he abandoned her in order to go into not-secret witness protection. A couple of chicken-loving henchmen are also on the road to Floyd in order to safeguard the theft of… airline tickets? As for Floyd, he’s going to abandon his laughably small car in the middle of the road and run away. Oh, also apparently the Klan are involved? What?

62 “…By Its Cover” (S3E21)

This is an episode with nothing to apologize for. Stuart Margolin cranks up some cool tunes, TC wears suspenders with no shirt, a parole officer just wants to get out of her strange office, and Magnum is mistaken for a bunco guy. Also there’s marijuana trafficking involved, which leads us to an unexpected segment.

61 “Luther Gillis File #OOI” (E5E10)

Luther Gillis is back, but this time he’s paired with the Butler—that’s Higgins—to sniff out an extortion plot. Meanwhile, the Big Guy (that’s Magnum) is wearing a suit and staring into a computer screen. The world is topsy-turvy!

60 “Old Acquaintance” (S6E3)

A dictator of a made-up country is going to be assassinated by a marine park dolphin who was kidnapped by a high-school friend of Magnum’s! Oh, no, this episode is not ridiculous at all. How have we done sixty episodes of this podcast?

59 “The Love-For-Sale Boat” (S5E17)

This episode sounded a lot better on Magnum Dash Mania Dot Com, the official bible of “Magnum, podcast.”

But it turned out to be… a lemon.

58 “Adelaide” (S1E14)

Why is guarding a valuable thoroughbred horse the subject of scorn? The answer is that this is Early Magnum, and so Magnum’s friends are kind of jerks. Also there’s a lady from Iowa whose relationship with Magnum is perplexing on multiple fronts. Then there’s the “Frankenstein Island” connection. It’s a weird episode. But we have many new segments, one invented by a listener!

57 “The Kona Winds” (S6E4)

The winds! They stir the blood! And so begins a classic tale of Wind Noir, as a mysterious woman enters Magnum’s life and entwines him in a web of deception… and murder?! Tune your transistors to Radio Exposition and batten down the hatches—it’s going to be a windy ride.

56 “Tropical Madness” (S2E7)

Higgins is in love. Magnum is convinced the lady is up to no good, but Higgins is convinced Magnum is just jealous. Also, there are a couple of yo-yos. But when are we going to get to the tropical madness?!

Thanks to Listener Allyson for winning the Listener Blair award for episode recommendations.

55 “Squeeze Play” (S4E7)

Sleazy magazine publisher Buzz Benoit has made a bet with Robin Masters! If Robin’s softball team, led by Thomas Magnum, doesn’t win a game against Benoit’s ringers, the estate is gone and Magnum and Higgins will have to start a sitcom about living together in a Real Nice Condo provided by Rick. (Doesn’t sound so bad.) Isn’t this supposed to be a show about crimes? No, friend, it’s a show about softball shenanigans! And… uh, actually, a whole lot of sexism. Let’s focus on the positives: More segments!

54 “Death and Taxes” (S7E6)

Rub a dub dub, three men on a podcast. And who do you think they be mad at? It’s probably Listener Blair, who asks us if this episode resembles the plot of recent film “The Batman”? It certainly resembles an episode of “Miami Vice,” right down to the Genesis montage. Riddle me this, Magnum!

53 “Summer School” (S6E13)

We return from our own summer school to discuss an episode featuring young Tate Donovan as young RJ “Robin Junior” Masters, who drives a green Ferrari and pretends to be Magnum. But this might be one case the kid is not ready for…

52 “Missing Melody” (S7E11)

The turkeys from your favorite Magnum-related podcast are back for a new Summer of Magnum, but we have to start on a sad note. Roger E. Mosley, the secret weapon of the “Magnum” ensemble, died earlier this month. In his honor, we watch his favorite episode of “Magnum,” one he co-wrote and features heavily in.

Also, and we can’t restate this enough: Never, ever go in a bathroom at the Honolulu airport.

51 The Magnum, podcast Holiday Special Featuring Lance White, P.I.

Mele Kalikimaka! It’s our holiday special, in which we watch two episodes of “The Rockford Files” that allow us to discuss the creation and formation of “Magnum, p.i.” The episodes in question are “White on White and Nearly Perfect” (S5E4) and “Nice Guys Finish Dead” (S6e7) featuring Tom Selleck as the luckiest private eye in L.A., Lance White. Consider this a big Christmas stocking stuffed full of new segments. The segments are your presents.

50 “Tigers Fan” (S8E4)

We wrap up another season of “Magnum, podcast” with another episode about death. It’s Tanaka’s final episode, and what an unsatisfying conclusion it is. But there’s a Jan Hammer-style musical montage, and machine guns, and other things that remind us of “Miami Vice” and not “Magnum, p.i.” Fortunately, there’s also T.C. and Thomas debating the merits of baseball. We could watch that all day. You’ll miss us here at Magnum, podcast, the incoherence, the bizarre segments, the arguments… see you for our holiday special later this year!

49 “Foiled Again” (S3E8)

En garde! Dana Wynter returns, but this time she’s a former Higgins crush. Unfortunately, Higgins “accidentally” electrocutes her jerk husband with a fencing foil and is accused of his murder. But maybe the wife did it! Or her son, TV’s Spider-Man, Nicholas Hammond! Or maybe it’s the other guest star who we haven’t accounted for yet! We discuss Magnum’s limp and hand injury, find a lost bikini top, complain about awful looping, have a disagreement about the Atlanta Falcons, and Jason finally reads that listener letter. Also: A big announcement about the future of Magnum, Podcast! (Don’t worry.)

48 “Double Jeopardy” (S2E19)

THIS! IS! DOUBLE JEOPARDY! In the first of two episodes featuring Dana Wynter as a guest star, we (once again) discuss how time works, Magnum turns into The Fall Guy, TC has a realization about how boring sets are, Tanaka embodies the spirit of Hawaiian Columbo, and David and Phil pre-empt Jason’s letters segment with segments of their own. Maybe we’ll hear that letter next week. This podcast has bad lighting and an incomprehensible script, but at least it features the Hawaiian coastline!

47 “Who Is Don Luis Higgins and Why Is He Doing These Terrible Things to Me?” (S6E19)

More identical Higgins half-brothers! A plot to assassinate a world leader! Dance with me, Agatha!

46 “Blood and Honor” (S6E10)

Whoa, Nellie! We’re here for a real barn-burner of a match-up, as the King Kamehameha Club team, down a man, attempts to win the somewhat famous Honolulu Bed Race. But who’s that on the sidelines? It’s Thomas Magnum, dressed in his Naval finery, as if he’s auditioning for a role on “JAG.” JAG. Magnum. JAGnum?

45 “Murder 101” (S5E8)

Magnum doesn’t see a g-g-g-g-g-host! But otherwise this is an episode of Scooby-Doo with special guest star Thomas Magnum. Not that we’re complaining! Magnum and his class of Private Investigation 101 students solve a case! Magnum gets punched in a bathroom! And in a shocking display of a lack of professionalism, Jason abdicates his role as summarizer and the entire episode is recapped by one of our listeners when they were 12. Except for the part where MOM CAME IN. Also we say mean things about “Dead Poet’s Society.” Carpe Magnum!

44 “Computer Date” (S2E13)

Jason’s returned from Hawaii, and he managed not to be murdered in an airport bathroom, so let’s do this! This episode features computers but not dates, another appearance by the wife of a series actor, another laser-industry related crime, a notable hotel appearance, Rick being a jerk, T.C. at his worst, and the proper use of Mac. Also, Magnum wears jeans with a jacket and tie. All this, but STILL no computer date! Oh well, at least we’ve got letters from listeners.

43 “The Jororo Kill” (S2E13)

This episode features Magnum’s second most memeable moment, in which Magnum realizes that nuns don’t work on Sundays, and shoots a nun dead. It’s more complicated than that, as the show unfortunately handles gender identity issues. Tyne Daly appears as a grizzled journalist, who commits many acts of journalist malpractice! Also, this entire episode was recycled into an episode of “Tales of the Gold Monkey,” so it’s time for another installment of “Tales from Tales of the Gold Monkey.”

42 “I Never Wanted to Go to France, Anyway” (S6E12)

This is the one where Magnum and company all go work at a carnival to solve a murder! It doesn’t make a lick of sense, but you’ll hear one of the most inaccurate American accents of all time from Kiwi guest star Clive Revill! Also there’s a spooky clown and a guy with a hockey mask. Gee, I hope the guy with the hockey mask didn’t do it. Also: A long discussion of Elvis movies and another lengthy digression about local TV stations.

41 “Ki’i’s Don’t Lie” (S3E3) & “Emeralds Are Not a Girl’s Best Friend” (S&S S2E1)

San Diego resident Steve Lutz joins us to discuss Magnum’s CBS-mandated crossover with the San Diego TV P.I. brothers of “Simon & Simon.” Tiki idols! El Presidente versus the guerillas! Morgan Fairchild! It’s an awful lot of 80s TV, and this is an awful lot of an episode.

40 “Italian Ice” (S2E16)

This episode features another love interest for Magnum, played by Mimi Rogers, who we’ll never meet again—but we wish we would. Also, there’s an entitled heiress, some murderous Sicilians, and crossword puzzles! Jason introduces Geography Corner. Michael V. Gazzo may have opinions about the Sicialians. Acting classes get a little too saucy. And Luca Brasi enjoys Hawaii’s many fishes.

39 “The Curse of the King Kamehameha Club” (S1E11)

From the early days of the series—so early it’s still the original theme at the beginning!—comes an episode that exposes that the producers aren’t quite sure what to do with the show yet. The fate of the original owners of valuable land in Hawaii is discussed, but the “original owner” is a delusional old white guy. Also, there’s some bad journalism, bad kitchen management, questionable portrayals of Hawaiian folklore, and a bunch of people die! Eat your bananas, people—potassium deficiencies are no joke.

38 “Murder By Night” (S7E14)

It was raining in the city by the bay. A hard rain. Hard enough to wash the entire cast of “Magnum, p.i.” over from Hawaii for an episode that’s entirely film noir pastiche. It’s not bad, though it misses some casting opportunities, exposes the lack of women regulars in the show, and is inexplicably shown in color when it should be shown as it originally aired—in glorious black-and-white. Turn down the color setting on your 4K HDR and enjoy Magnum, by night… until Higgins wakes you up, anyway.

37 “Legacy From a Friend” (S3E19)

Magnum’s best friend who we’ve never seen before dies! Can Magnum solve the case? You bet he can, unless he’s foiled by special guest star Annie Potts! She’s the best thing in this episode, which also features a remarkably large number of things that make no sense. So many, in fact, that we had to create a new segment featuring legendary playwright Anton Chekhov.

36 “Legend of the Lost Art” (S8E10)

It’s the return of the great adventure! Tom Selleck never got to be Indiana Jones, but Thomas Magnum isn’t too bad of a consolation prize. And in this utterly bananas episode, Magnum plays Indy, but nobody can remember the name of that movie. Speaking of bananas, David brings us back to “Tales from ‘Tales of the Gold Monkey’”, we share our mutual love of Margaret Colin, Phil’s family is heard from, and David’s Lego Magnum obsession continues.

35 “A.A.P.I.” (S7E5)

This week we’ve got a return of a bunch of guest stars from episodes we haven’t covered yet—that’s the kind of professionalism you can expect from “Magnum, podcast.” Also, even more new segments, Phil appreciates Annie Potts, we get a letter from a listener, and David may have gone off the deep end!

34 “Professor Jonathan Higgins” (S5E13)

Ello, mate! Wots all dis, den? A Higgins relative needs a makeover in order to function in high society. As Magnum will remind you, this is just like the plot of the movie “My Fair Lady,” with Audrey Hepburn. Meanwhile, we’re on the lookout for a new slogan for Mrs. Peroni’s Frozen Pizza. The winner gets an all expenses paid trip to nowhere!

33 “Holmes is Where the Heart Is” (S4E18)

Legendary British actor Patrick Macnee guest stars on a Higgins-centric episode of “Magnum, p.i.,” featuring a flashback to an adventure at Robin’s Nest back in the ’70s, with Higgins as Watson to Macnee’s delusional Holmes. Meanwhile, in this segment-centric episode of “Magnum, podcast,” we discuss beards and these young whippersnapper criminals today.

32 “Mac’s Back” (S5E3)

You thought he was dead! But Magnum thinks Mac is alive! Is he seeing things, cracking up, or aware that the same actor has been cast in a similar part but with a fake mustache? We break it down, and also introduce some important new segments involving “Tales of the Gold Monkey” and ice cream.

31 “Infinity and Jelly Doughnuts” (S8E1)

You thought we were dead! But no, after hearing Higgins yell at us we’ve made the bad decision to return for more. We discuss the attempt to undo the damage of killing off Magnum and then bringing the show back for one last season. (There’s a reason we don’t talk about season eight.)

30 “Thank Heaven for Little Girls and Big Ones Too” (S1E4)

Mele Kalikimaka! We’re back with a Christmas Special, in which we watch the other Christmas episode of “Magnum, p.i.”, from exactly 40 years ago. It was very early in the show’s first season and a bunch of little girls pull one over on Magnum. Paintings are involved! But it’s all, very vaguely, part of the festive Hawaiian holiday spirit.

Then we introduce numerous new segments, which is an odd choice for a podcast that’s still on a hiatus. You’ll want to stick around, because Phil’s prophetic words in our last episode. Paintings are still involved!

29 “Limbo” (S7E22)

Magnum dies. Or does he? Only John Denver knows the truth.

And your “Magnum, podcast” crew walks away into the clouds… for a little while, anyway.

28 “Kiss of the Sabre” (S5E11)

Magnum investigates a case while being annoyed by a writer named Betty who imagines Magnum’s schlubby island P.I. life as a glamorous globe-trotting spy novel. Sebastian Sabre, Winston, Swift, and loyal butler Boris take on the King Solomon crime ring—while Magnum investigates a really boring insurance case. But sometimes Magnum’s real life can be exciting too, like when his Plymouth Champ is very… slowly… crushed… by a backhoe. Island Hoppers Ex Machina to the rescue!

27 “Let the Punishment Fit the Crime” (S4E17)

Higgins puts on a production of “The Mikado.” Magnum takes a hard-luck case. The plots converge. It’s the perfect archetypal episode of “Magnum, p.i.”! As for your hosts, we have no idea what we are doing and the entire episode is gibberish. It’s us, not you, Magnum.

26 “Home from the Sea” (S4E1)

This is a special episode. There’s a lot of nonsense, and also a lot of really great stuff. Magnum is lost at sea. Rick, T.C., and Higgins feel the tingling of their Magnum-Sense. In the end, is this the best that Magnum has to offer? Possibly, but we’ll still make time to talk about dumb stuff like baseball caps and Tiger Stadium stock footage.

25 “The Black Orchid” (S1E16)

The rich aren’t like you and me, Magnum. They have wants… needs… desires. And sometimes they must play The Game. The world’s most dangerous— wait, we’re hearing it’s not that dangerous after all.

24 “Rembrandt’s Girl” (S4E14)

Carol Burnett locks Magnum in a bank vault! The Ferrari gets towed! Rick and T.C. throw an ’80s party at Magnum’s swinging pad! Higgins hosts a meditation retreat that we suspect is actually an orgy! This episode has it all.

23 “The Return of Luther Gillis” (S4E16)

It’s time for the return of everyone’s favorite “Magnum” recurring character… Scrungo! Also Luther Gillis is back, and there’s a shifty hot dog entrepreneur/computer P.I. Also in this episode of “Magnum, podcast,” we introduce a Very Important New Segment all about the many hats of Thomas Magnum.

22 “I Do?” (S3E17)

Magnum gets married! But it’s all a trick! This episode is an awful lot like the episode we watched last week, come to think of it. Phil has a lot to answer for. Jason, meanwhile, gets very excited about more late-night sports telecasts.

21 “Of Sound Mind” (S3E13)

This podcast will be our last will and testament. But there’s always a twist! This episode, made in 1982, is strangely reminiscent of two 2019 Oscar nominees. And also an episode of “Scooby Doo.”

20 “A Sense of Debt” (S4E8)

It’s the episode where Magnum goes to Detroit to watch an entire Tigers homestand and ends up meeting star players Lou Whitaker and Alan Trammell! Unfortunately, that’s about five minutes of this episode—the rest of it involves T.C. becoming an underground boxer in order to protect Shannen Doherty and her dad because he accidentally drove the Ferrari into a bunch of pigs. Pretty typical stuff.

19 “The Arrow That Is Not Aimed” (S3E14)

Legendary actor Mako appears in this episode that is the height of 1980s obsession with Japanese culture. Magnum meets a samurai who is about to commit seppuku because he’s lost a priceless ancient Japanese plate. There are Limo Ninjas! Also, Higgins may have murdered Magnum at the end.

18 “J. ‘Digger’ Doyle” (S1E17)

In a spin-off attempt that went nowhere, we get to meet J. “Digger” Doyle, played by Erin Gray right between her roles in “Buck Rogers” and “Silver Spoons.” We do an awful lot of Orson Welles impressions. Jason is frustrated by Higgins’s flagrant cock-blocking of Magnum. And what is this awful laser-related fiction Robin Masters is dictating?

17 “One More Summer” (S2E17)

Magnum and T.C. walk on to an NFL team during training camp, because that’s how football works. Hey, it’s Pat Morita! And Dick Butkus! We invent Higgins’s podcast. And Phil has some very important Fritz Feld follow-up.

16 “Forty” (S7E17)

Magnum turns 40 and stalks a woman from a boat offshore, as you do. Typical stuff.

15 “Operation: Silent Night” (S4E10)

It’s Christmas in July as we take on a rare holiday-themed episode! T.C. is going home for Kwanzaa, but first he has to drop off Rick, Higgins, and Thomas on various Hawaiian islands. Of course, things don’t go according to plan and they get stuck on Fake Kaho’olawe, discover a crashed Japanese plane, bicker and bond before discovering the true meaning of the holidays. Oh, and there’s a bunch of dumb stuff on a Navy ship.

14 “Birdman of Budapest” (S3E16)

The Hungarian Revolution. An elusive bird expert. A… murderous macaw? Just your average wacky episode of “Magnum, p.i.” Whoops! (feathers)

Please watch this 35 second Magnum clip. I have not stopped laughing. pic.twitter.com/nneXjJxUPj

Chris “Wear A Mask” Driver (@Jerkwheatery) June 30, 2020

13 “Laura” (S7E18)

Shoo-be-doo-be-doo, it’s that koo-koo episode where Frank Sinatra met that kid detective Tom Magnum. It is dark, it is unpleasant, and Sinatra may just be in it for the Hawaiian vacation. Unlike “Laura”, this podcast episode is entirely pleasant! Phil swears a little. We speculate about “The Equalizer.” Jason can’t say Edward Woodward’s name properly. And we ponder the compilation of the magnum dash mania dot com “top episodes” list.

12 “The Big Blow” (S3E22)

A hurricane is bearing down on Hawaii, a solstice-themed party is an excuse to find a potential murderer, and a violent idiot named Randy comes to the Masters Estate. The locals on the shortwave are calling it The Big Blow!

Also, this podcast finally gets its wings, as we share our first listener follow-up and ignite a controversy about time and space in “Magnum, p.i.” (If you have comments, whisper them into a coconut and then send the coconut to podcast@theincomparable.com.)

11 “Deja Vu” (S6E1)

It seemed like a prophetic dream, but it’s true — our Official England Expert Antony Johnston rejoins us to discuss the sixth season premiere, “Deja Vu,” in which Magnum, Higgins, and Rick go to London, meet Peter Davison and Julian Glover, grapple with family ties and the legacy of the Vietnam war, investigate a maybe-murder that may be connected to a perfectly timed assassination plot, and drive a series of interesting cars. Meanwhile, T.C. is having the time of his life in Morocco!

10 “Going Home” (S6E7)

Life ain’t easy when the Big Lebowski is your stepdad. Jason looks for secret palm trees and imagines the “Magnum” sitcom, featuring Joe Regalbuto!

9 “From Moscow to Maui” (S2E4)

Magnum seeks to induce a track star to defect from the Soviet Union while Higgins attempts to bore a KGB agent to death with the theories of Karl Marx. Yep, it’s the 80s.

8 “The Elmo Ziller Story” (S2E21)

John Hillerman does a funny accent in order to save Higgins’s niece’s family rodeo from the hands of her wicked stepmother. It is more ridiculous than it sounds.

7 “The Ugliest Dog in Hawaii” (S1E8)

An actor you might remember from “The Godfather, Part II” steals every scene in this episode about mobsters trying to kidnap a dog. We loved it.

6 “Novel Connection” (S7E9) and “Magnum On Ice” (MSW S3E8)

In a special crossover episode, we’re joined by Scott McNulty, host of a “Murder, She Wrote” podcast that doesn’t exist (yet?), to discuss Magnum meeting Jessica Fletcher in a special two-show episode. These episodes feature lanai PCs, crowbars, Sheraton lobbies, an endless B-plot involving Rick and T.C.’s shady Maui land deal, and not nearly enough fun crossover interplay between the characters of two legendary 1980s CBS series. Also, the plot makes zero sense.

5 “Did You See The Sunrise?” (S3E01-02)

Special guest Antony Johnston gives us an English read on Higgins’s accent, and we discuss the episode that everyone was talking about on the playground the next day back in 1982, or maybe 1983 if you were in the UK. Does the show treat its women fairly? Can you believe the word that Ivan said multiple times on American network television? Is T.C. the Manchurian Candidate? Why is the security of the Marine Reserves so lax?

4 “The Case of the Red-Faced Thespian” (S4E12)

The funny head wounds continue, as Higgins transforms into an even more pompous character in the midst of a 1920s revival party populated by a bunch of rich friends of Robin Masters. Also, T.C. would like an autograph—for his sister.

3 “Luther Gillis: File #521” (S4E2)

A private dick from St. Louis arrives on the scene, but there’s this big guy, Tom Magnum, who keeps getting in the way of cracking the case.

2 “I Witness” (S4E21)

Jason gets upset about time zones, but Phil doesn’t remember it that way. David puts on a pig costume and sings “Feelings.” And nobody mentions the dead guy.

1 “Don’t Eat the Snow in Hawaii” (S1E1-2)

The snow is cocaine, and it’s used as a murder weapon involving an incident in Vietnam years before. Welcome to the lighthearted romp that is “Magnum, p.i.”! Also, we discuss the airport bathrooms we’d prefer to be murdered in.